All posts tagged: Sex

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The only gay boy in the world [guest post]

The third in the “Defining Moments: Search for Identity Series.” This one comes to us from artist and writer, Xeno Martinez. Read more of his personal blog, SQ Chronicles and follow him on Facebook and Twitter, @XenoMartinez Recently, I engaged in a conversation via the I Love It Supersized Facebook fanpage about when was it that I first realized that I was gay, and confessed that I had always known since I was a little boy.  In all honesty, I was one of those children that sexually experimented at a very young age. It is commonly known that children experiment as a means of understanding their own sexuality, and that those experiences are ones that, regardless of how young the child maybe, they never forget it.  Although it is semi-embarrassing and shameful to admit this, I vividly remember being under the age of 5 years old and hiding behind my grandmother’s bed, in her one bedroom apartment, and performing oral sex on my cousin, who was only a year older than me.  How we both knew what to do is beyond …

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The Middle: Secrets, disappointments & rhetorical questions

If this is your first read, you can go back and start with  The Last Time, continue with The First Time, and read a post-script in the After “The Last time.” _____________________________________________________________________________________ I was at my Mom’s early last week, and while she went in the kitchen, I stayed in the hallway and tried to take the photo of me off her hallway wall. It would be too obvious, so I decided to take a picture of it instead. I needed tangible proof of the item that haunts my thoughts. The item that appears in my mind, along with my Mother’s voice, telling me I’ll never be enough because an almost 20 year-old  photo in which my bright eyes look lifeless, no smile to be seen, is the only photo of me that my Mom finds worthy of display. My mother is my constant mirror, and this photo is my reflection in her eyes. So as I’ve been finding the courage within myself to publish these very personal stories, I’ve also thought back to question why I …

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The winners and losers of The Sexual Revolution

A young lady in her 20s recently told me about a situation she encountered with a young man who was trying to ‘talk’ to her.  He had offered to take her out and as part of that offer he included a night in a hotel room. She was perplexed; a hotel room on a first date?  “It’s not that kind of party,” she told him. She was laughing while she recounted the story, but she was sincerely disheartened.  She wanted to know: “Is that all there is? Is that all I can expect when it comes to men and dating?” I wished that I had some words of wisdom for her, but the truth was that, quite a few years her senior and with a lot more dating experience, my recent dating stories were not very different from hers. In fact, most of my single friends had very similar stories, and frustrated, have all but given up on dating. I began to wonder how this new concept of dating— where sex is often assumed to …

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After “The last time”: Cookie crumbs and lies

When I originally wrote the three-part story that is now published here as The Last time and The First time, I had also written The Middle. But as I read what I wrote, I realized that it didn’t do justice to the real dysfunction that went on. It reads more like sex gone wrong, than the emotional mind-fuck that it truly was. So I’m taking some time to figure out how I want to tell it. This is an addendum, and maybe a good display of where those 10 years left me,  about two years after The Last time and about three years before On love and the impulsive girl.  ______________________________________________________________________ She had been back in the city for about two weeks when her phone rang. It was him. They hadn’t spoken in months. As far as she knew, he was officially a married man, his wedding having taken place just the month before. She probably shouldn’t have answered, but she was curious as to what he might have to say. He wanted to see her. Could …

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The First time: Love and lust in a three part story

This story begins at the end with The Last time: Love and lust in a three part story. ____________________________________________________________________________ The Sliding Door tells the story of a woman—played by Gwyneth Paltrow—whose life goes two very different ways based on what transpires at one moment in time: Whether she caught or missed a commuter train.  Most of life is like that, the path a life takes hangs on the balance of one moment in time, often just one decision. It’s quite meaningful when you consider the possibilities in your own life choices, isn’t it. But even then, what is the point of giving those moments, those decisions, any thought if you can’t go back and change them, even if only to see if in fact it would all have turned out differently. So, that’s how she lives her life, with the knowledge that you can’t undo what’s done, leaving no room for regrets. That is, with the exception of one. One moment, one decision—the fateful decision of the first time. It began long before that day. A working …