Moments

If they could see me now

So tonight for the second time in about two months I’ve spent time on the internet Googling people from my past. I don’t know whether it’s feelings of nostalgia or pure, unbridled curiosity that drives me to spend a few hours searching names on various websites. . Whatever it is, it’s weird.

Weird only because of what I have found. People I knew in grammar school, high school and my college years have aged. Guys I had crushes on have aged, some not so well. Though I still see traces of the boys/young men I remember, they are definitely not men I am attracted to now.

I don’t want to brag but I will just a bit because I don’t think anyone I know really reads this. (except for you Dawn and I must forward you a picture of someone you used to know too) I, at 37, don’t look like the girl/young woman I used to either. I look better! I have aged well and as proud as I am of my 37 years, I’m happy to know that most people would never guess my age by looking at me.

All of this has been a major revelation to me and I wish I could pass it down to any girl who is suffering from the self-esteem issues I had in my younger years. I would tell her “You will get past this and at the end of the day those boys who won’t give you the time of day may someday be men who you would not look at twice.”

Shallow? Perhaps on the surface what I’m saying is based on a bit of a superficial foundation but the truth is that it saddens me to know that I wasted a lot of years not realizing that I was always good enough!

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