Mi Vida Loca

Lighter: The unanswered question

I walk by and something tells me to turn my head. I see you standing there and I both want to run away unseen and want you to turn and see me, really see me. I don’t want you to see that I miss you, but I want you to see that it was possible for me to become happy without you.

Yes, I miss you and the friendship we once shared. The days when we would talk for hours about everything and nothing.

I wish that we could start again. For the first time  in my life I wish I could turn back time, and armed with the knowledge that in trying to be more we would lose it all, we would make different choices. I wish that we would have stayed there; stayed in that moment before it became confusing, before the expectations changed, before WE became an unanswered question, even if only in my head.

But I am happy and to finally be happy I had to let you go. I had to let the question of WE go unanswered. I had to accept that I wouldn’t understand the whys. I accepted that your inability to care for me the way I wanted was not a character flaw in me, but simply the way you felt, nothing more and nothing less.

I no longer fall asleep and wake up with thoughts of you; wondering what, if anything, we are or what we are doing. The burden of hope unfulfilled was removed from my shoulders, and I am lighter: a feather.

I am floating among the clouds, looking down at the world, dreaming of possibilities long forgotten. The possibility that someone, someday, will be the person I hoped for in you.

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